10
Life-Changing Tips for Highly Sensitive People
Edited by Craig Lane for Blogger
“And those who were seen dancing were thought insane by those
who could not hear the music.”
― Nietzsche
Highly
sensitive people are too often perceived as weak or broken. But to feel
intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the characteristic of a truly
alive and compassionate human being. It is not the sensitive person who
is broken, it is society’s understanding that has become dysfunctional and
emotionally incapacitated. There is zero shame in expressing your
authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being ‘too
emotional’ or ‘complicated’ are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive
for a more thoughtful, caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your
feelings, smiles and tears shine a light in this world.
Many
of the people we call “sensitive,” or “weird,” would have been spotted, and
trained in how to use these inherent “skills and talents.” They were once called Shamans, Curandero’s,
Healers, Wise-Men or Women, Witches, and many more names.
It’s
like you were born missing a protective layer of skin that others seem to have.
You
try to hide it. Numb it. Tune it out. But the comments still
pierce your armor: “You’re overthinking things. You’re too
sensitive. Toughen up!”
The
term ‘highly sensitive people can be used in today’s world.’ This led
some of us to discover how delicious it feels to be one of thousands saying,
“You do that? Me too!” We have
support networks in place to help us help each other stay sane.
Many
sensitive people feel isolated from others. They feel misunderstood and
different, and they usually don’t know why. They just don’t realize that
they have a simple trait that explains their confusing array of symptoms and
quirks.
There’s
even a scientific term for it: Sensory Processing Sensitivity. Dr. Elaine
Aron, a psychotherapist and researcher, estimates that 15-20% of people have
nervous systems that process stimuli intensely. They think deeply.
They feel deeply (physically and emotionally). They easily become
over-stimulated.
Several
successful historical figures were highly sensitive, such as Albert Einstein,
Martin Luther King, and Steve Jobs. This means sensitive types aren’t
inherently disadvantaged.
But
when we don’t realize how to handle our sensitivity, we end up pushing too hard
to keep up with everyone else. We try to do what others seem to handle
with ease, and try to do it better than them.
And this leads to problems.
For
a time, we do a first-rate job of using our natural gifts: we’re creative
students, conscientious employees, and devoted family members. But when
we hammer on beyond our limits, doing so can eventually take its toll. It
shows up in things like unrelenting health conditions, muscle tension we can’t
get rid of, and being endlessly fatigued or on edge for no good reason.
If
you resonate with any of this, here are 10 actions you can take to stop
struggling and start thriving:
1. Quit
searching for someone or something to fix you.
Sensitivity
is a temperament trait, not a medical disorder. So nothing is inherently
wrong with you. Sadly, though, many certified health practitioners don’t
understand this because sensory processing sensitivity is a recent area of
health research.
Sure,
highly sensitive people are more likely to have allergies or sensitivities to
food, chemicals, medication, and so forth. And they’re more prone to
overstimulation, thus quicker to feel stress — which can lead to other health
issues. But sensitivity in itself is not something that needs fixing.
Successful
sensitive types realize that they’re not “broken.” If your mind is
exhausted from busily researching yet another solution to take away your
“flaws,” know that the answers to living in harmony with your sensitive nature
lie inside you.
2. Tell
yourself, as often as necessary, that you are not a fraud.
Impostor
syndrome isn’t exclusive to highly sensitive people. Many conscientious
and high achieving people fall victim to this nagging fear. But the
simmering discomfort about being found out is often constant for a sensitive
person.
Why
wouldn’t it be, considering you’ve spent a lifetime of feeling different from
others and trying to fit in? Maybe you blame your tears on dust in your
eye during that cheesy TV commercial; or you sign up for the company fun run,
even though you hate running and you know you’ll feel ashamed of how long your
body takes to recover. But even if you grew up displaying your
sensitivity with pride, it’s unlikely you escaped the cultural pressure
motivating you to disguise your real self to fit the norms.
Successful
sensitive types respect that their nervous systems are wired differently from
80-85% of people. If you’re constantly thinking about who you should be
but aren’t, and what you should be doing but can’t, understand that valuing
your achievements and signature strengths allows you to show yourself as you truly are, more comfortably — even when
you’re the odd one out.
3. Seek
out kindred spirits (and know that you are NOT alone).
You
probably feel different and alone. But the truth is, you’re not.
Many have experienced confusion in isolation before discovering that hordes of
people have some idea of what it’s like to be you. They’ve felt the surge
of power that comes from being supported by like-minded souls. And they
want to pay it forward.
The key
whenever possible is to hang out with sensitive people who are already
flourishing, or at least open to those possibilities. They understand not
only how to manage their sensitivity, but also how to wield its
superpowers. They know what it’s like for you to feel endlessly under
siege, and they can offer firsthand experience and wisdom to help you make your
sensitivities work in your favor.
Successful
sensitive types appreciate and relish the strengths of sensitivity, in
themselves and others. If you’re feeling unsupported or misunderstood,
find a sensitively knowledgeable coach, mentor, or community who gets you … and
nurture that connection.
4. Look for the
hidden positivity in every situation and soak it up.
The
brain is a powerful filter that molds experiences and perceptions of
reality. If you think the world is a dangerous place, your brain is wired
to hunt for evidence of danger. If you believe it’s a loving place, you
spot more loving opportunities. What you focus on, you get more of.
As a
highly sensitive person, the more negative the environment, the more you
suffer. But the opposite is also true — the more positive, the more you
thrive (even compared to others).
Thoughts
are stimuli for your nervous system. One of the most important things a
sensitive person can do is acknowledge the negative (not ignore it — because
what you resist, persists), but then let it go… immerse yourself in positive
thoughts and situations that make you feel good, or at least give you a
soothing sense of relief.
Successful
sensitive types decide to see the world brimming with opportunities to feel
grateful for, and to marinate in that positive vibe. If you’re feeling at
the mercy of your emotions and thoughts, the easiest thing to do is rest in relaxed
awareness, like how the sky lets clouds float in it.
Phenomena arises in our being, and there is
nothing we can do about it. But we plant
seeds for future arising’s, by attention and focus on what we are grateful for,
and the support that feels so good, then we begin to see different things
arising in our consciousness. But trying
to stop thoughts, or push away uncomfortable emotions, like grief and sadness
so commonly not acknowledged in our culture, leads to more discomfort.
5. Find new
spins on old flaws
Your
gifts of sensitivity include deep reflection and an instinct to see all angles
and consequences. But by being so deeply tuned in to details, you’re
easily overwhelmed and exhausted by unyielding stimulation. And when you
don’t understand why you feel and behave in the ways you do, it’s easy to frame
these as flaws.
In
truth, these “weaknesses” are simply your unmet needs and unique gifts to
nourish. In reframing your past and nurturing your present, you set
yourself up for success in your future.
Successful
sensitive types rethink old perceptions in light of their deeper understandings
of sensitivity. If you’re weighed down by the hypersensitive and
neglected (even, despised) parts of yourself, seek to discover the other side
of the coin … where you’ll find some of your greatest strengths: intuition,
vision, conscientiousness — and the list goes on.
6. Treat
yourself with compassion.
Sensitive
people are often deeply compassionate. Putting others’ comfort and needs before
your own often occurs. On top of that, many sensitive people have a harsh
inner critic. When you push yourself hard, and then you beat up on
yourself when you miss the mark is a sign of this. You criticize yourself
in ways you’d never dream of judging others.
Controlling
your nagging inner critic is essential to self-compassion. But contrary
to popular belief, you shouldn’t do so by relentlessly ignoring it. Deep
thinking is one of your gifts, so why not embrace that power? Take
control by hearing your thoughts without judgment (after all, there might be
gems of wisdom hidden deep) and then pivoting to thoughts that trigger kinder
and more loving emotions in your body. From that better-feeling place,
you’re better able to choose actions to care for yourself and others.
Successful
sensitive types show themselves the same loving compassion that they’re
naturally good at giving others. It may feel selfish or vain at first,
but it’s not. If your critical inner voice is devaluing who you are,
answer back with self-kindness … this is the antidote.
7.
Create healthy boundaries, not rigid emotional walls.
We
live in a culture that values “take a painkiller and push on” far more than it
values sensitivity. We grow up hearing: “no pain, no gain; survival of
the fittest; life isn’t fair — get used to it.” We admire those who show
grit to prevail over their terrible plights.
As a
highly sensitive person your reflex reaction may be to freeze up or struggle to
toughen up. You might build walls to shield yourself from hurt …
Emotional walls, such as suppressing feelings or creating dramatic turmoil to
distract from the real causes of pain. Physical walls, such as piling on
layers of weight to hide behind. Mental walls, such as tuning out with
alcohol or drugs.
Or,
you may let all your boundaries collapse at once, thereby unconsciously
absorbing others’ energies and feeling devoured by unpredictable events and
emotions. You try to escape the feelings by getting caught up in
overthinking everything: endlessly planning and searching and analyzing, while
completely losing touch with your intuition. And in the process you
confuse conscientiousness with overwork, empathy with over-identification,
compassion with over-tolerance. So you beat yourself up about how you
know you should have better boundaries. It’s a vicious cycle.
Successful
sensitive types embody gentle but firm personal boundaries. If you struggle to put your own needs first (which doesn’t
come naturally to a highly sensitive person), make a conscious choice to
practice the skill of saying “no…but this…” with love and grace, or carving out
alone time to recharge … and decide to feel good about that.
8.
Tune in to your body (to avoid seesawing between emotional extremes).
Many
highly sensitive people learn to ignore the messages their bodies are sending
them. They switch it off to avoid overwhelm or they tune in to others’
needs instead of their own to meet what’s expected of them. Does this
sound familiar?
Doing
so leaves you swinging like a pendulum. Too much, too little. Too
fast, too slow. Too in, too out. Back and forth between being
over-stimulated and mind-numbingly bored, dieting and then bingeing, or
exercising hard and then needing several days to recover. And so on and
so forth.
Successful
sensitive types tune in to the physical sensations in their bodies; they accept
that it’s not always comfortable, but they trust their bodies to guide
them. If you have a habit of hiding from feelings or passing the point of
overwhelm, learn to recognize your body’s subtle signs of
overstimulation. You’ll spend less time being thrown out of balance, and
more time swaying gently within your nervous system’s range of optimal arousal. Ask yourself when over-thinking, “how does
this thought feel?”
9. Design
healthy habits that fit your unique needs.
Eventually,
it can catch up with you. Grueling hours at work, followed by hard sweat
at the gym and keeping on top of chaos around home — all fueled by crappy diets
and minimal sleep or downtime. It’s an easy trap to fall into because
you’re simply living the way you see most people get by on.
What’s
more, some seemingly healthy habits hit hard on a sensitive nervous system —
like “health” foods that are heavily processed and pumped with sugar and
artificial additives, or intense exercise that’s not balanced with ample
recovery time.
If you allow too much stimulation and too lousy replenishment, you run the risk
of chronic illnesses (as many sensitive types have learned the hard way).
At the same time, if you overprotect yourself, your genius goes unexpressed,
and that also can lead to stress and ill health.
Successful
sensitive types practice habits that truly nourish them. If you struggle
with energy or well-being issues, prioritize habits that nurture these areas of your life (such
as more sleep and alone time), and limit those that over-stimulate or drain you
(such as too many high pressures activities — even if they are so-called
healthy).
10. Stop
smothering your sensitivity.
After
a lifetime of being bombarded by stimuli, it becomes second nature to push
sensitivity out of the conscious awareness. Tuning out from relentless
sensations, for example, so you can pretend you don’t give a darn. Toning
down intense feelings (good and bad) so you aren’t on a roller coaster.
Suppressing emotions to get a break from feeling anything at all.
This
self-protective mechanism might fool your conscious mind, but it doesn’t fool
your sensitive body. This oozes into your health, your relationships,
your career, every aspect of your life … or, it builds tension inside until
something has to give.
Successful
sensitive types let go of the grasp for control. When you free the energy
used to hold yourself tight, you free the gifts of sensitivity that have been
lost to you: empathy, creativity, and heightened joy, to name a few. And
you allow your true potential to blossom.
Closing Thoughts
As
you’re working through the tips above, keep in mind that the key to thriving as
a highly sensitive person, more than anything else, is to recognize that it’s
perfectly OK to be sensitive — with its challenges and strengths.
Use
your deep-thinking mind to recognize hidden understandings, and deliberately
refocus on positivity and possibilities.
Use
your deep-feeling body to tune in your emotions and sensations, and stay within
your optimal range of arousal as often as possible.
Use
your heightened awareness to dance to whatever beat you darn well please, even
if that seems odd to a lot of people.
Because
somewhere, others are dancing with you.
Editor – Craig Lane www.healthalkemy.com
